And with those immortal words, George Costanza, a faillure in real life, but a would-be marine biologist here, tells the story about how he approached the giant, beahed fish - I mean, mammal - and pulled out a Titleist golf ball from his blowhole, the same one Kramer had been hitting into the ocean earlier in the episode. The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return soup in a deli. The first truly great episode of Seinfeld features Jerry, George and Elaine (but, oddly, no Kramer, as the arc of the show still had Kramer never leaving his apartment) stuck in a Chinese restaurant in a so-called “bottle episode” that includes Jerry daring Elaine to steal an eggroll off someone’s plate, George getting in beef with people over a pay phone, a hungry Elaine asking if this is what Ghandi went through and the threesome not sitting down before seeing Plan 9 From Outer Space (“not plans one through eight.”)īest line: Bruce (the host): Cartwright? 3. Jerry is dating man hands, George uses a picture of man hands and says she’s his deceased fiance in order to look more attractive to women thus gaining him entrance into the “forbidden city,” Kramer takes a job with Brandt/Leland (where he takes a briefcase filled with crackers and it’s his busy time of year) while Elaine dates Kevin, who introduces her to the Bizzaro gang, Gene and Feldman. You could make a wish that this episode was better, but it wouldn’t come true.īest line: Gillian: Well, then at least drink your beer. The Bizarro Jerry (October 10, 1996)įor my money, this has the four greatest individual storylines of any Seinfeld episode. When they talk about this one - in which George and Jerry hope to fool high-school nemesis Duncan into thinking they don’t know each other - they might be right.īest line: Jerry: Boy, you really went bald. The Race (December 15, 1994)Īny Seinfeld fan will watch the show in reruns and exclaim, “oh, this is the best scene” ever about 50 different times. Jerry: Yeah, it’s like you’re dating USA Today.) 6. ( Honorable mention: Jerry: “No, ‘yada, yada’ is good. But Jerry’s battle with Tim Whatley (the future Walter White) about converting to Judaism for the jokes, which offended him not as a Jew, but as a comedian, and Kramer and Mickey falling for a set of twins but being unable to remember which one they liked - yada, yada, yada - it was all topped off with a tremendous cameo by Robert Wagner, D.D.S.īest line: Mickey: I like Merlot. The famed “yada yada” line from George’s girlfriend is actually the worst (but still funny) part of the episode - and it did lead to Elaine’s classic “I mentioned the bisque” line. I’d have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I’d need a new bedspread and new curtains I’d have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. It’s brilliant, except when the girlfriend was “into it.”īest line: Jerry: Don’t you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. Still, he attempted to help Jerry and came up with an elaborate plan to get his current girlfriend mad at him with an out-of-the-ordinary sexual request that leaves her roommate flattered enough to go out for a drink, all with the roommates permission. You’d think finding out Kramer’s real name would be the highlight of the episode, or that Kramer’s mom hooking up with Newman might be near the top, but the best scenes from this classic refer to the episode’s name, in which Jerry tries to pull the roommate switch, which no man had ever successfully pulled, even in the Middle Ages, according to George. The point is, every Seinfeld episode is a top 10 Seinfeld episode. Or choose 10 others and they could be on there too. I whittled them down to 10 episodes - 10 I’m happy with - but that 10 could just as easily be replaced with The Fusilli Jerry, The Voice, The Merv Griffin Show, The Dog, The Subway, The Airport, The Dealership (which one friend lobbied for so hard that he threatened to end the friendship if I didn’t include it), The Sniffing Accountant, The Mango, The Wink, The Calzone, The Abstinence, The Little Jerry, The Maid or The Reverse Peephole. I sent out an APB to friends, who all had varied suggestions that were all equally good. George liking his chicken spicy, Top Of The Muffin TO YOU and Jerry “freakin’ out” about the Kenny Roger’s Roaters rang out in my head. And after adding and deleting and adding some more, I thought I was done, then - BOOM - I thought of Kramer at Regis & Kathie Lee and Keith Hernandez or The Velvet Fog. With the show streaming in full on Hulu starting Wednesday, I was tasked with distilling 180 episodes of the best television show ever into an essential 10. Ranking the 10 best Seinfeld episodes was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since - no, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
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